Three things to think about when your child see’s porn.

Your child saw pornography online, what should you do now?

First - try not to show dismay or anger, but DO show compassion. Saying things like, “I can’t believe you looked at this!” with surprise or alarm on your face and in your voice will shame your child. Rather, say, “Wow, you must be having so many conflicting emotions right now, how are you?”

Second, if your child is ready, address a few of your child’s feelings. There are so many emotions your child is going through at once. Your child is most likely already feeling guilty, and likely scared and confused/disgusted due to the often violent forms pornography takes. (45% of online pornography is violent. Fritz et al., 2020). She is probably aroused - and intrigued and curious about that feeling. Let your child guide how much she is willing to talk about, talk as often as she is willing to talk. See this as an opportunity to open up discussions with your child. It’s like spilling water on the floor; not the worst thing in the world, and plus, you can do some spot cleaning!

Third, comfort your child, assure her you aren’t angry, and it really wasn't her fault. Let her know that what she saw was acting, fake, and truly hurtful. When you have a chance, share your thoughts about what love means to you. Is love violent or mean? Kids can tell the difference between what is mean and what is nice. Enduring love is respectful, compassionate, thoughtful, and kind. I will say it again, kids can tell the difference, especially if they are taught to look for it.

Once you have covered all three of these points, you have a good foundation with your child. Short, frequent conversations are perfect for kids’ short attention spans. Over time, address as many of your child’s emotions as you can.

Feeling curious is natural for all of us, and exploring with guidance can be a positive experience. If your child has questions, (and hopefully she will!) answer as simply and completely as possible, but do not overstep her curiosity. If she stops being curious, you should stop as well. Remember kids short attention spans! Try to be as unembarrassed as possible. The more comfortable you are, the more comfortable she will feel.

Knowledge is power, both for you and for your children/grandchildren. Like this post? Please share so other’s can enjoy! Sign up for future posts!